Louder Than Words
Benjamin K. Bergen
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Benjamin K. Bergen
Author of the Book
The Body Keeps The Score is one of the most eye opening books I've ever read.
Thoughts
When I first read The Body Keeps The Score it was validating and overwhelming. I think it was the first book I read on any kind of abuse, and so much of it was lost on me. I barely had any understanding of emotional abuse, even though I had been accusing my parents of it for year. I hadn't even come close to processing my childhood rape, I was still just referring to it as "the rape" or "I was raped" but not really thinking about what happened. I tried to use it as a guilt trip to emotionally abuse my parents, not knowing they had no idea what I was talking about and thought I was just exaggerating the past in a "rage". No one recognized that I was having panic attacks, they were just considered part of my Bipolar mood swings and got dismissed. No one dug deeper, not even me. In fact, while reading this the first time, I thought I had "gotten past" my molestation.
Now, almost 2 years later, after thinking Asperger's explains my problems better, and coming to learn through hospitalization from anxiety and panic attacks during my divorce... I have PTSD. More specifically Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. But as The Body Keeps The Score describes, it has been notoriously difficult to get that term and its definition into the DSM for formal diagnosis. So officially I have PTSD. My psychiatrist of 20 years never knew about my molestation and immediately recommended that I seek EMDR treatment. Something that is talked about repeatedly in this book that I didn't notice before. I thought EMDR was bunk until he recommended it, he said he did too at first. And I'm surprised to read that Attachment Theory is also talked about repeatedly in the book, something that I didn't notice before, and yet another thing I "decided" was bunk between reading the book the first time and now. I'm starting to notice that some deep part of my brain was diligently trying to prevent me from exploring anything that might help me address my Trauma.
I'm not surprised at how this 16 hour long audiobook is still amazingly easy to read, I can sit for 1, 2, 3 hour chunks like it's nothing.
Cooking
Stress hormones of an unabused person are released in proper events, such as saving loved ones from a burning building, and then they stop being released. Other situations stress hormones are useful are taking someone to the hospital, or even pitching a tent, and cooking. Trauma survivors struggle with stress hormones being released correctly, interfering with such activities.
This helps me understand my extreme struggle with cooking and learning to cook, especially in stressful times of my life. The big problem with that is that I get stressed way more easily than others, so they end up carrying that burden of my incompetence, or whatever you want to call my inability to carry my own weight. I usually had some sort of excuse or guilt trip I would come up with, or a goto one that worked every time. This part of the book is really giving me hope that I can improve that with more trauma therapy, and prevent the same sort of problems that created so much stress and burden in my marriage for Sarah.
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